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Man Laws

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an  umbrella.

2: It is ok for a man to cry ONLY under the following  circumstances:
a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
b. The moment  Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
c. After wrecking your boss'  car.
d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
e. When  she is using her teeth.

3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor  party may be legally killed and
eaten by his buddies.

4: Unless he  murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of
jail within 12  hours.

5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off  limits
forever unless you actually marry her.

6: Moaning about the brand  of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden.
However complain at will if the  temperature is unsuitable.

7: No man shall ever be required to buy a  birthday present for another man.
In fact, even remembering your buddy's  birthday is strictly optional.

8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder  determines pit stops, not the
weakest.

9: When stumbling upon other guys  watching a sporting event, you may ask the
score of the game in progress, but  you may never ask who's playing.

10: You may flatulate in front of a  woman only after you have brought her to
climax. If you trap her head under the  covers for the purpose of flatulent
entertainment, she's officially your  girlfriend.

11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol d rink only  when you're
sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless model  and only
when it's free.

12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical  peril are you allowed to
kick another guy in the nuts.

13: Unless you're  in prison, never fight naked.

14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos,  Ever! Issue closed.

15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you  didn't see anything.

16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must  be treated as spies
until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability  to drink as much as
the other sports watchers.

17: A man in the company  of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain
sober enough to  fight.

18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of  pizza,
but not both, that's just greedy.

19: If you compliment a guy on  his six-pack, you'd better be talking about
his choice of beer.

20: Never  join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours,
except if she's  withholding sex pending your response.

21: Phrases that may NOT be  uttered to another man while lifting weights:
a. Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b.  C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c. Another set and we can hit the  showers!

22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal  footing: i.e.
both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other  situations, an
almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you  need.

23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on  longer than
you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone.  Hang up if
necessary.

24: The morning after you and a girl who was  formerly "just a friend" have
carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're  feeling weird and guilty i s
no reason for you not to nail each other again  before the discussion about
what a big mistake it was occurs.

25: It is  acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her
to drive  yours.

26: Thou shall not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime  green,
orange or sky blue.

27: The girl who replies to the question "What  do you want for Christmas?"
with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets  an Xbox. End of story.

28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice  Skating or Men's Gymnastics.
Ever!

We've all heard about people having  guts or balls. But do you really know
the difference between them? In an effort  to keep you informed, the definition
of each is listed below.

GUTS - is  arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being
assaulted by your wife  with a broom, and having the guts to ask, "Are you still
cleaning or are you  flying somewhere?"

BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the  guys smelling of
perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife  on the ass and
having the balls to say, "You're next!"

We hope this  clears up any confusion.

International Council of  Manhood